Out of Reach
by lycanus1
Summary: Clint finally accepts that the one he's fallen for is unattainable. Heartbroken, he's forced to make a painful decision in order to save his sanity … *WARNING:AU & probably o.o.c. Contains unrequited slashy feels and strong language.*


**Summary:** Clint finally accepts that the one he's fallen for is unattainable. Heartbroken, he's forced to make a painful decision in order to save his sanity …  
**Disclaimer:** Everything recognizable belongs to Paramount Pictures, Marvel Entertainment & Marvel Studios (godsdamnit !) - though my gut tells me Clint has his own ideas about that. As for Loki ? _Hel !_ He's a god and a law unto himself … No copyright infringement is intended.

**Warning:** AU & probably o.o.c. Contains unrequited slashy feels and strong language_._

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**Out of Reach**

_Clint's pov:_

From the moment we met, there was _something_ between us. Something I knew would always be there ... whether I wanted it or not.

We got off to a bad start from the get-go ... well, what the hell d'ya expect when the devious bastard whammied me with that flashy staff of his and took control of my mind ?

The first time I heard that silky, molten chocolate accented voice I _knew_ I was a goner. And it was confirmed when my gaze collided with a pair of stunning, piercing, emerald eyes. I was well 'n' truly lost. I felt as if I was drowning in those limpid pools which were full of intelligence, mischief and passion. That's when I realized I was in serious trouble.

Loki was pure trouble. _My _kind of trouble ... The kind I _really_ liked and was attracted to. I'd just come out of a very nasty and particularly messy relationship and had vowed that I wasn't going to get involved with anyone. But one look was all it took and I'd fallen. Fallen deeply. And so very hard ...

Loki was strikingly beautiful. Wavy, shoulder-length, raven hair, smooth alabaster skin, high cheekbones and thin yet luscious lips combined with a lean, sinewy body that was built for sin made him all the more attractive. And at 6'2" he towered over my stocky 5'10" frame. I'd _always_ had a thing for tall, gorgeous, feisty brunettes who were funny and smart and Loki _wasn't _the exception to my rule ... _He_ was perfect and unfortunately for me, so very taken ... My loss was Thor's gain and despite his reputation for being quiet and somewhat distant, Loki was passionately in love with Blondie and deeply devoted to him. Hopelessly so. I didn't stand a chance with him. Not a hope in hell ...

There's a saying that there's no fool like an old fool, and in my case, it's absolutely true. For the past six months, I've been besotted with my friend's lover and no one has a fucking clue ... Not a goddamn clue. Not even my closest friend and confidante, Natasha. I've had to be content with simply watching and lusting after Loki from the side-lines and seeing him so happy with Goldilocks just fucking kills me. It's eating me up inside. Tearing me apart. Being near or with the one I want, the one I need, yet never allowed to just _be_ with him ... Or even touch him ...

It's so fucking hard to be around the pair of them and I know I'll have to do something about it. Sooner, rather than later. For the sake of my sanity, if nothing else. All this pining for Loki from afar isn't doing me any good. It's just bringing me more heartache and thankfully, he's blissfully unaware of how I feel about him. So far, I've somehow managed to hide my feelings from him. But this _can't _go on. Not indefinitely. I can't live my life like this. Loving, wanting, needing someone who'll _never_ be mine, so badly ...

And I can never tell him or show him how I feel. He can never know. I won't let him know ... Loki is a complex character. One with a troubled past who's desperately trying to atone for his crimes. I see that now. I may not have wanted to, but I do. The once bitter, jealous, rage-fuelled individual I once knew is no more and in his place is a caring one who possesses a kind, generous, loving heart. He'd be so hurt that I - someone he now considers a friend, despite my piss-poor attempts to keep him at arms' length - could keep something like this from him. And the last thing I want from him is sympathy. I don't want his pity. I just want him. _Him._ His love. And that's something I know I'll never have, 'cause he doesn't see me that way. All he sees is his former accomplice, his second-in-command, Barton. Someone he'd trusted, well, as far as someone like Loki's capable of trusting. I was just someone he relied upon, who's skills he respected and needed. But that's it. Nothing more. Nothing less.

So, yeah ... I need to make some fucking changes. I _have_ to for my own self-respect. I may be losing my heart to him, but I'm damned if I lose my dignity and what little sanity I still have as well. Anyway, I've come to a decision. And it's a big one 'cause I can't handle this anymore.

Once tonight's over and done with, come tomorrow, after checking in with Fury, I'm gone. I'll be out of Stark Towers. Out of the Avengers and back at SHIELD … For good ...

**FINIS**


End file.
